bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
