Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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