She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
