I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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