So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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