so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
