he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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