Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
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If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
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Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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