Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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