I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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