it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
