He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
the liver wants what the liver wants
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
