and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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