I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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