I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
