We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
high people should be assigned attendants
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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