if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
