That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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