margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
