Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
