My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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