and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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