What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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