Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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