i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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