She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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