I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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