make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
