OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
