Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I am midnight drunk by noon
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
