is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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