I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize