did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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