Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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