for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
