Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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