woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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