i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
