I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize