Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I had to cum in my sink.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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