Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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