hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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