I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
