I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
