It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
