Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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