I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
