i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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