Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
