explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
