She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
