I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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