She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
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Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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