Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
