I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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