Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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