i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
