Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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