I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I wear drunk well.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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