You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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