I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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